Monday, February 1, 2010

Have you found your true love?

Your First Love

Do you remember your first love? I'm not talking about your first kiss, or your first... ahem... never mind. I'm talking about your first, can't-stop-thinking-about, can't-imagine-living-without, true to your heart, love. I'll give you a moment to recall that one person or persons you still think about every now and then. Got him/her? Great, moving on...

I had three great loves. I met my first love in seventh grade (yes, I know) and he was utterly perfect in every way. I'll call him 'T' to protect his privacy, just in case there are several out there who know him. I was over the moon for him. So much, in fact, that I gave myself a homemade tattoo (not my brightest move) of his name. We started "going" together and stayed together until he moved away the summer before we went into the ninth grade. I was devastated and swore I'd never love again. It just hurt too much. When you are only fifteen and have your heart ripped out for the first time, you literally believe your world is crashing in around you. I cried that entire summer.

And then I met 'M' as a senior in high school. 'M' was an older man--okay, so he graduated before me, but still--and I fell hard. 'M' and I worked together and immediately hit it off. He pursued me and I have to admit, a girl likes the attention. Eventually I said yes to a date, and BOOM! I was a goner. We moved in together after high school and I thought it couldn't get any better. We were in love, blissfully happy, playing house, etc... 'M' was my first grown-up love, my first at making love, and my first at so many other things. To an eighteen-year-old, when you find that one love, you are positive you don't need anything else. Even as things started to fall apart between us, I refused to believe it. We were perfect for each other, so how could he possibly not love me any longer?

'M' revealed his true colors on my nineteenth birthday. I came home from work fully expecting him there with flowers, or dinner made, or something. He wasn't even there. I called his friend, who told me 'M' was there, but didn't want to talk to me, that he just wanted a night away from me. On my birthday. Okay, I thought, everyone needs space. I went to my parents' house, but they were out. I was alone on my birthday and miserable as I drove back to my ignorantly blissful life with 'M'. He was home when I returned and said those four words no one wants to hear. "We need to talk." He then proceeded to inform me that I was loud, obnoxious, immature, and that he didn't like the fact that my jeans were starting to get tight. "You need to work out more. I don't want you getting fat." Well, well, well. He didn't want me to get fat. He didn't like me. What he loved about me in the beginning (You are so fun! I love that you aren't afraid to be yourself.) now irritated him. I was broken. Completely, no holds barred, broken.

It took me time to stop crying over 'M'. I told myself I wouldn't cry over another man. Screw it. It wasn't worth it. I didn't need love. I was a strong, independent woman. I'd go back to school, get a fabulous degree, and never look back...

And then I met 'D'. Oh, did I meet 'D'. I didn't just meet him. I was blown away by him. I'd never seen a man look so good in Wranglers and cowboy boots. He raced jeeps off road, he love to dance like a fool, and didn't have any problem being the same person in public as he was in private. Having been burned before, I was leery of getting involved in another relationship, but the heart wants what it wants. I fell in love with 'D'. He drove me crazy, both in a good and bad way. Spending one day with 'D' blew the socks off all the time I spent with 'M' or 'T'. I realize now that the feelings I had for 'T' or 'M' pale in comparison to the feelings I have for 'D'.

I'm still with 'D', after eighteen years, and he still gives me delicious chills when he comes up behind me and nuzzles my neck. I still get butterflies when I see him. We still cuddle, kiss (which totally grosses out the kids!), and are really, truly in love. He is the inspiration for all the heroes in my stories. Don't believe me? Read the first in my NASSD Counter-Terrorist Agency series, AT ANY COST.

I realize now how much fun it is to be in love when both parties feel the same. If you haven't found that first true love yet, I hope you do soon. There's nothing like it.

"At Any Cost", Siren Publishing
"Seek and Destroy", Siren Publishing

The Midnight Seduction Authors are celebrating romance by hosting these '12 Days of Love' blogs that you've seen all over the internet. We are throwing a huge all-day-chat bash on February 13, 2010, from 10am EST to 10pm EST. Prizes will be given away every hour on the hour. Excerpts, recipes, jokes and romance tips will be posted throughout the day.

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