A Gay Transgender Man’s Thoughts on National Coming Out Day 2014

WARNING:  The links contained within this post will take you to sites with content for mature readers only.  However, this post is suitable for a PG audience.

Today marks the 26th year anniversary of National Coming Out Day. The event began 26 years ago, founded by the Human Rights Campaign, on the anniversary of the National March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. The day is celebrated as an opportunity to honor all those who have come out, or support equality, either as members of the LGBTQ community or as straight allies.

HRC’s theme is Live Your Truth. As a gay transgender man, I have known my truth since the age of five, but have not always had the opportunity to openly live it. In sharing my thoughts as someone who has lived on both sides of the closet, I hope to not only inspire, but to give comfort to others searching for their own answers.

For over two decades, my partner and I lived in fear. We both had circumstances where coming out was impossible. The fact we lived in a conservative part of the South contributed to our decision to remain in the closet. In addition, we had a young family which have always come first. John and I love our son and daughter dearly. They are our biological children, conceived through artificial insemination, and I gave birth to them by C-section.

On September 27, 2013, John and I came out together. I made the announcement we were both gay, and I was a transgender man.  Our decision to openly live our truth occurred two days before my fortieth birthday.  As that milestone approached, so did my fear of living the second half of my life in hiding.  When I remember my feelings during that time, I always return to the words of Kurt Cobain:  “I would rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.”

Love and hate are two emotions we have encountered from others since coming out.  The positive outpouring of support from family, friends, and my readers has been heartwarming.  John and I appreciate all the kind words and messages we have received. Still yet, there have been those who have chosen to share negativity with us.   Such opinions are the product(s) of fear; a lack of understanding of LGBTQ topics; learned behaviors and ideas; and old-fashioned hatred. As an activist, one of the ways I try to promote change is to raise awareness of the fact that LGBTQ individuals are human beings. Life is a journey. All of us are transitioning to something. 

At the end of the day, how have I decided to live my truth?  Always be proud of who you are. The words of others do not define you.  No one needs another person’s permission to live the life they desire. None of us have the right to define anyone except ourselves.  We are our own truth.  

To read my original coming out story visit:  Coming Out as a Gay Transgender Man.  Also, to learn about the changes in the lives of John and I one year later read:  Coming Out Once Year Later as a Gay Transgender Man.

I enjoy hearing from all of my readers, and look forward to your e-mails.  Remember Love is Love…Period.

Andrew Jericho is a ManLove erotic romance author for Siren-BookStrand Publishing  and LGBTQ rights activist.  All of his work can be found at:  Andrew Jericho.  For questions or comments please e-mail him at: authorandrewjericho@gmail.com.

Coming Out One Year Later as a Gay Transgender Man

WARNING:  The links contained within this post will take you to sites with content for mature readers only.  However, this post is suitable for a PG audience.

One year ago today my partner, John, and I came out together.  I made the announcement we were both gay, and I was a transgender man.  As a couple, we shared our now twenty-three year love affair with family, friends, and readers.  In addition, we allowed our private relationship  to become part of our public lives.  For those who have not had the opportunity to read my original coming out story, the post can found  at:  Coming Out as a Gay Transgender Man.

I still believe as I approach forty-one,  we have to be true to ourselves and openly live the life we are given.  As a writer and LGBTQ rights activist, I strive to be open and honest with my friends and readers across social media.  I am a direct and straight forward man who believes LGBTQ topics should be openly discussed.  Throughout this year, the words of Kurt Cobain still have had special meaning to me:  “I would rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.”

For  over two decades, my partner and I lived in fear.  We both had circumstances where coming out was impossible.  The fact we lived in a conservative part of the South contributed to our decision to remain in the closet.  In addition, we had a young family  which have always come first. John and I love our son and daughter dearly.  They are our biological children, conceived through artificial insemination, and I gave birth to them by C-section.  

Over the past twelve months, John and I have experienced many changes as a couple.  The first, and most important, was my legal name change to Andrew Kyle Jericho.  I will never forget my partner’s response, on September 5th, after I got off the phone with the circuit clerk’s office.  He put his arms around me and wept.  I am a firm believer that men can cry. While I don’t shed tears very often, I had a few that afternoon. After forty years, I can finally be recognized everywhere by a name that represents my gender identity. Others, outside of those who already called me Andrew, have to now by law. Also, whenever John and I are together in public, we are Andrew and John Jericho.

The name change also meant I was able to update my driver’s license at the DMV.  In Arkansas, residents can choose their gender without a legal gender change.  So, now I have a M on my license.   Elsewhere within the state, and on a federal level, that is not the case.  I quickly found out Social Security would update my name, but in order to change my gender marker I was handed a piece of paper with several requirements.  SSA requires either a passport with the new sex, amended birth certificate with the new gender, court-ordered gender change, or a letter from a doctor stating he believes the person in question is a transgender individual. Right now the most important thing is my name has been changed, and my gender marker is updated on my driver’s license. Soon, I will address changing my gender marker’s elsewhere.

The second change occurred in February.  I had a hysterectomy.  The  surgery was not only medically necessary, but  a procedure I needed to have done in order to feel more comfortable in my own skin. In addition, my reproductive history failed itself from the beginning.  The two children John and I created are true miracles.  I still firmly believe everyone transitions in their own way, and at their own time.  Gender and sexual orientation are not defined by surgeries and / or hormones, or the lack thereof.  Also, it has been almost eight months since the surgery, and there has not been a day gone by where I have not been thankful I made the decision to have it done.  The only good thing the deformed, misplaced organ ever gave me was my children.  The rest of it’s existence in a body it did not belong in was filled with pain.   

The final change is I have been consulting with a plastic surgeon regarding top surgery.  The most recent visit was on September 9th.  We are on the same page in our definitions of “flat.”  He understands I desire a masculine chest.  While he is qualified to perform the procedure, he has not done any top surgeries on transgender men.  However, he believes he can do the surgery, and is going to consult with his colleagues on the matter.  I have another appointment on December 16th to hear his final thoughts.  If everything goes as planned, he would like me to have the surgery at the end of January, instead of early to mid-February.  My insurance prior authorization expires at the end of February, and he feels I need to have the procedure complete and on the road to recovery before that time.  

John and I are excited to live the second half of our lives openly as a gay couple. We are also thankful for the opportunity to share our story.  In addition, we hope our message will help others who might find themselves in similar situations.  I have always wanted to make a difference in the lives of others.  If I have touched the life of just one person, then my efforts have been worthwhile.  I can say from experience it does get better.

I enjoy hearing from all of my readers, and look forward to your e-mails.  Remember Love is Love…Period.

Andrew Jericho is a ManLove erotic romance author for Siren-BookStrand Publishing  and LGBTQ rights activist.  All of his work can be found at:  Andrew Jericho.  For questions or comments please e-mail him at: authorandrewjericho@gmail.com.