Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Halloween is approaching ~ What Scares Your Shifters?

The Trickster by J. W. Baker

WHAT SCARES YOUR SHIFTERS?

By Pat Cunningham


With Halloween approaching, the question arises: mere mortals quake at the thought of the supernatural, but what do supernatural beings fear (other than Buffy and the Winchester boys)? Let’s ask …

VAMPIRE – Well, that’s a no-brainer. Sunlight. Crosses, garlic, holy water, even stakes, we can deal with that. You can come back from those. Sunlight, though, that’s pretty final. It’s like that line from Terminator 2: you get caught out after dawn, and anybody not wearing two million sunblock is gonna have a really bad day. We can move around when it’s cloudy, but that’s chancy. If you’re a weatherman, you’d better get the forecast right or we’re coming after you. Well, those of us who are left.

WOLF – Our biggest fear has to be the safety of the pack. Guns, diseases, threats from humans, protecting your mate, challenges from other wolves – we worry constantly. Look at me, I’m shedding just thinking about it. My personal fear is leg traps. My uncle lost a hand in one. When I go to a park or the State Game Lands, I stay on the paths. Better safe than sorry.

CAT – Werewolves, the big bullies. They’re always chasing me. I end up climbing a tree, which is a mistake because I’m afraid of heights and I always get stuck on a branch. One time I was so scared I shifted up there. There I was, stark naked, stuck in a tree and crying my eyes out, all because of some nasty wolf. What? Oh, the fire department got me down. Six companies showed up. They were all so nice about it. And cute. I like firemen.

HORSE – Spurs. Spurs and bits. I don’t go in for pain. Some of us are into the whole S&M scene – saddles, whips, reins, tight cinches – but not me. I don’t ride that trail. I like a rider with a good seat and a firm hand who’ll give me a rubdown afterwards. Now that’s heaven.

JAGUAR – What do we fear? Pah! We are jaguars. We fear nothing. We are kings of the jungle. I will admit to some unease regarding snakes. The way they slither, that legless undulation, it is – creepy? Yes, that is the word. But fear, no. We need fear nothing with these claws. Ah, little gatita, I see you admiring my claws. Come here, come sit beside me. I will drive the big bad wolves away. You like the firemen? Smile, and I will be on fire for you. You make such a lovely purr.

COYOTE – I was dating this girl, another coyote, she knew positions even I never heard of, but anyway, everything was cool until one day she starts using words like “marriage” and “puppies” and telling me I should get a job. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. Scariest thing that ever happened to me.

GIRAFFE – Power lines. You can get tangled up in those buggers for days.


So, what are your shifters afraid of? Let’s hear from them.
~~~~~~

COYOTE MOON

Blurb ~

It's that time of the month -- the full moon -- when Willy Alvarez's moods go wonky and her dreams fill up with wolves. A time for hungers she doesn't dare fulfill because they lead to violence. She's resigned herself to a manless life, then Cody Gray arrives.

Cody is cute, funny, charming, and a werecoyote. His nose knows what Willy doesn't: she's half werewolf. He's convinced this repressed half-human she-wolf is his perfect mate. Now he just has to convince her. And quick, because her long-lost pack has learned about her existence, and they've come to town to claim her...

~~~

COYOTE MOON by Pat Cunningham at ~ http://bookstrand.com/product-coyotemoon-14959-330.html ~ Pat’s book has received several top reviews.
~~~~~~

Monday, July 6, 2009

Lunar Eclipse Magic ~ It’s here... COYOTE MOON by Pat Cunningham


July 7, 2009, night of the full moon and a lunar eclipse. Yep, definitely a lucky omen for Pat Cunningham’s COYOTE MOON. Her first romance shapeshifter romance releases today!

Blurb ~

It's that time of the month -- the full moon -- when Willy Alvarez's moods go wonky and her dreams fill up with wolves. A time for hungers she doesn't dare fulfill because they lead to violence. She's resigned herself to a manless life, then Cody Gray arrives.

Cody is cute, funny, charming, and a werecoyote. His nose knows what Willy doesn't: she's half werewolf. He's convinced this repressed half-human she-wolf is his perfect mate. Now he just has to convince her. And quick, because her long-lost pack has learned about her existence, and they've come to town to claim her...

Coyote Moon – Story Excerpt

Cody sighed carefully, in and out. She wasn’t really in a state to hear this, but… “Willy, listen up. We’re out of time, so I gotta be blunt. You’re a werewolf.”
She stiffened in his arms. “Excuse me?”
“You heard me. Definite wolf. Not all the way, though, just half. From what I’m seeing and smelling, I’d say the wolf’s stronger than the human.”
She lifted her head and stared at him. His eyes were inches from hers, and utterly sincere. “You’re serious.”
“‘Fraid so. You almost shifted tonight, that’s what happened to you. The wolf and the ape are all mixed up and your body can’t make up its mind. I’m betting once you switch all the way, everything’ll sort itself out.”
“Switch? You mean, into a wolf?” Good God, this must be loonie night, and here she was stuck out in the middle of nowhere with a naked one. “You’ve got to be kidding.”
“Wish I could say yes, but you’re showing all the signs. You’re a wolf, and the sooner you own up to that—Hey, where you going?”
“Home.” Willy marched past him, eyes carefully averted, in the direction she figured Coopersburg must lie. The panic had run its course; her brain operated coolly again, all unwanted thoughts and emotions carefully suppressed. Okay, not all, but distance from Cody would take care of that. And maybe by the time she got there, she’d have figured out a way to deal with Beth that didn’t involve homicide. “Werewolf, my ass.”
In the blink of an eye Cody shot ahead of her and planted himself in her path. “I can see you’ve gotten good at this, but you can’t keep running forever. Face facts, darlin’. You’re a wolf, pure and simple, and you better accept it, or what happened tonight’ll happen again. Next time you might kill somebody.”
Like she hadn’t thought of that. Quick, distract herself. She waved her arm at the sky. “Explain why I’m human while a full moon’s out.”
“It only works like that in the movies. We can change whenever we want.”
“‘We’? So you’re a werewolf, too? Well, I guess that explains the lack of clothing.”
“Not wolf. Coyote.”
“Oh? Well, that’s a big difference.” She started walking again.
He got in her way again. She glared at him, seething over the effort it took to keep her gaze locked on his and not let it dip. Her mood swings threatened to swing her in that totally inappropriate direction again. Think of something else. “Okay, I’ll play along. How am I supposed to…switch?”
“First you take your clothes off.”
“That’s what I thought.” She stalked down the hillside. “That’s the sickest pickup line I’ve ever heard.”
She picked the stretch with the fewest rocks and stomped along it. She kept her glare riveted straight ahead, so she wouldn’t have to look at Cody. She could hear him trotting at her side, just out of reach. “Not a line,” he said, “just common sense. You’ll rip your clothes if you try to change in ‘em. Just thinking ahead, is all.”
“Of course,” she said frostily. “And I suppose in order to achieve this `switch’ I have to sleep with you?”
“Well, no. Never heard of it done that way.” His voice lit up. “Might be fun, though.”
“I’m calling the cops when I get home. I’m having you put away.” And maybe herself, right after.
“If that’s what makes you happy. I’m betting it won’t.” He reached for her arm. “For your own good—”
She snapped at him, a move so quick, so instinctive, she had no time to think. Her teeth clicked together just short of his fingers. She followed it up with a snarl that would have backed up a whole pack of wolves. Cody stood his ground and waited her out. The snarl died away when she realized what she’d done. Her color drained off until she was pale as the moon.
“That’s her,” Cody said softly. “The wolf. You don’t let her out, she’ll kill you. Chew you up from the inside.”
“No. I’m not. You’re not. Those things don’t exist.” She would have bolted, but Cody caught hold of her and wouldn’t let go, no matter how much she thrashed and snapped.
“Atta girl,” he encouraged. “Set her loose. I’d rather we didn’t do it like this, but like my daddy always says, any den in a twister.”
Willy ground out a curse and kicked. Her knee fell short of its target. Their legs tangled and they tumbled to the ground. She tried to scramble up, but couldn’t find her footing. Her hands and feet kept sliding all over the carpet of pine needles, and Cody. Like having four legs that refused to cooperate with a brain programmed to deal with only two.
“That’s the spirit, darlin’. Hey, is that hair on your neck?”
She aimed a punch at him, and missed. How dare he make jokes while she—oh crap. While she rolled around on the ground on top of a naked psycho. She shoved away from him and scrabbled back. “Don’t touch me. Don’t come near me.”
“You sure?” His grin infuriated her. “For our breed, this counts as foreplay.”
“You disgusting son of a—”
Coyote. Cody was gone. She blinked and he blurred. The coyote crouched in front of her, forelegs splayed and hindquarters hiked in the air. He waved his tail and yapped at her, an invitation to play.
Willy gulped, hard. I did not just see that.
The coyote lolled his tongue. Cody’s grin on canine jaws. His yellow eyes held Cody’s twinkle. He rocked back on his hindquarters and became Cody again, kneeling before her. “See that? Nothing to it. Now you try.”
I’m not going to scream. Screaming is for sissies.
She fainted instead.
~~~

Purchase at ~ http://bookstrand.com/product-coyotemoon-14959-330.html ~

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Sneak Preview ~ COYOTE MOON by Pat Cunningham


Cody Gray hiked into Coopersburg just shy of sunset, and right off the bat he smelled she-wolf.
Cody’s mouth stretched in a great big fox-in-the-henhouse grin. If he’d had his tail right then, he’d’ve wagged it. All the way up from Texas he’d been on the lookout for some nice wild country to set up a pack in, and a mate to help him get started. Just when he figured northern California might fill the bill for one, Fate dropped the other in his lap. Chaos, patron of the coyote-folk, must be smiling on him.
He set his nose to the wind. He’d already spotted a bar up ahead, and a couple of houses and a gas station, before the two-laner he’d hitchhiked in on widened out and entered Coopersburg proper. The she-wolf was at the gas station, and plenty riled by the scent of her. He drank in a noseful of her and sighed. Nice and pungent. Alpha, maybe? He liked his girls feisty. Cody quickened his pace.
Closer to the gas station, he spotted a nasty tableau: three big apes closing in on a pair of ladies. The lady in back, getting herded into the dubious safety of the garage bay, was slender, blonde and cursing like a dock hand. The herder had auburn hair and three-four inches on the blonde. She looked fit to chew brass and spit tacks. Cody’s pulse ramped up to a gallop. There was his wolf, and she was about to get herself trounced. Her bared teeth kept the apes at bay, but they wouldn’t hold much longer.
He slowed and came up on them careful and unnoticed, close enough to smell the alcohol on the apes and hear the menace coloring their taunts. The wolf-gal said something. The snarl in her tone announced the apes were in for a whuppin’, but she made no move to attack. Cody crouched behind a parked car. Chaos, only three of them. Why didn’t she just shift and end it?
Then, in a heartbeat, the situation changed. The blonde screamed. Cody’s hackles lifted. The apes had a buddy, and he’d snuck in through the office into the bay and caught the blonde gal from behind. She writhed in his grip while the other apes hooted. The wolf-gal darted in to help the blonde, but the ape in the lead grabbed her arm. Cody didn’t catch his words, but the leer on his face said it all.
So she let him have it. No girly slaps for this she-wolf. She socked him a solid one, right in the nose. The smell of blood joined the odors of liquor and adrenaline that already charged the air. The words she barked at the lead ape weren’t the kind ladies should know, much less repeat in public, but given the situation Cody allowed she was entitled.
The big ape’s face got uglier, no mean feat. If the wolf-gal hadn’t switched by now, Cody realized, she either wasn’t going to, or couldn’t.
That clinched it. This was his future mate getting threatened by those drunk knuckle-draggers. He bared his teeth, revealing canines just a tad longer and heavier than a human’s. Time to get involved. In true coyote fashion, of course.
This being a garage, naturally it had a peck of cars sitting around, and naturally some trusting soul had left their keys in the ignition. Cody slid in behind the wheel of a sporty little Mustang that started up real nice. He took aim and floored it.
The rev of the Mustang’s engine must’ve cut through the boozy haze on their brains because they looked around and finally noticed the car rocketing right at them. They abandoned the wolf-gal and scattered. Cody plowed through the midst of them, then swung a tight U-ey and shot after their leader, the biggest, ugliest ape in this bunch of bananas. The man scrabbled desperately over the tarmac. Cody brought the Mustang right up on his heels before he slewed it aside. He reached out and slapped the ape’s John Deere cap clean off his head. The ape stumbled away, and the car shot on by.
Cody let loose a Texas howl and wheeled around for another go. Chaos, this car handled sweet. “Gotta get me one of these,” he murmured.
And one of those, he added mentally, as his squealing turn faced him toward the garage again. The goon in the bay had let go of the blonde, and now the wolf-gal was all over him like, well, like ugly on an ape. Poor guy couldn’t even land a slap. Too quick and strong for him. Cody’s butt hitched on the seat, wagging a phantom tail.
Since the wolf-gal didn’t need his help, he went back after the apes. They’d made fast tracks across the street and piled into a pickup parked by the bar. They took off down the road without so much as a cussword flung at him. Cody offered up a mental shrug. Didn’t want to dent their truck, most like. Apes had oddball priorities.
He trundled the Mustang up to the garage. The wolf-gal had the fourth ape flat on the greasy floor. The ape contracted into a ball. “C’mon, Willy. I said I was sorry.”
“You’re sorry, all right,” she growled down at him. “I expect cheap thuggery from Les, but you—”
She cut herself off and sniffed the air. She turned just as Cody hopped out of the Mustang. He watched her eyes get big and her body tighten up to full attention.
She knew what he was, all right, but only on some basic, primitive level, not in her head or her nose. She didn’t recognize him. Any she-wolf worth her pack standing would be showing her fangs by now, with a growl at him to git, rescue or no rescue. That’s how your average wolf saw coyotes, pests to be run off. Because your average wolf had no sense of humor.
He stared hard into her eyes. A fine honey-brown shade. Wolf eyes ran to yellow, like his own. This one had a whiff of ape on her. Half-breed? That might explain why she hadn’t switched.
Her stance had shifted into a pose of wary friendliness. She let him get pretty close up before she stopped him with a little twitch of her mouth, not quite the flash of a fang. “Thanks,” she said.
“My pleasure, ma’am.”
“I could have handled it. Those jerks are losers even when they’re sober. But I do appreciate the help.” She smiled just enough to get Cody’s invisible tail wagging again. “Nice moves with my car, by the way.”
Her car? Chaos love it, this just got better and better. Cody flashed a smile wide enough to eat the moon. She didn’t even have her hand halfway out before he seized it. “Glad I could help. I’m Cody Gray, up from Texas. You’re going to marry me.”

~~~~~~

COMING REAL SOON from Siren-BookStrand!!! Git those pinkies ready to click the buy button!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

I have three new short stories on Bookstrand

Hi readers, Three of my low cost short stories are now available at Bookstrand. They are sexy and humorous. Check them out. But beware. They are not for the faint of heart. Especially Bananaz





Blurb
Mitheas, the king's grandson falls in love with the lavender colored Falan princess, the vivacious Adalina. Unfortunately for them, they are inhabitants of the loveless planet Gala, a planet that has not only outlawed love, it has also banished marriage, even SEX!

The unlikely couple are lovers, lovers on a planet where the act of sexual intercourse has been against the law for four hundred cycles (six hundred earth years). Knowingly breaking the law they arrange surreptitious liaisons wherever they can, whenever the can, wiling away the days enjoying each others company and of course, making passionate love.

Then one day they are caught naked and making love. Refusing to give Adalina her clothes, the cruel soldiers herd her bound and naked to Mitheas' grandfather' s castle, where after spending the night in a restraining cocoon, she is herded, still naked into the throne room and in front of everyone, thrown to the floor at the foot of the King, Lor D'ana.


What do you do when you're in love? Not only in love but with a lavender skinned alieness AND you live on a planet where marriage, sex and LOVE itself has been banned for almost 600 Earth years! How long will Adalina and Mitheas be able to actually keep their love a secret?

I LOVED this story! It has a very unique preface and has a defiant Romeo and Juliet twist. Ms. Dawning gives the reader a fast paced BUT meaty erotic romp. Great visual writing and descriptive to.! If you are looking for a light, easy and spicy read you will not be let down! The only reason I did not give this one 5 stars is I really wanted a longer story about this cute couple. Ms. Dawning has a very unique sense of humor to her writing. Not a slap you in the face HA-HA but a kind of quirky one that will make you giggle. Not to be missed is our captured couple explaining their relationship to a very perplexed D'ana. This tale is definitely a wise choice for a fun steamy read when you're too pressed for time to curl up with a long book. I would definitely recommend checking out Ms. Dawning's unique writing!





Blurb

Friday night at Mojo’s, while waiting for her movie-star-good- looks boyfriend, Eddy, to meet her, Mandy confides to her friend, Chelsea, that he never came home the night before. Chelsea, a fixture behind the bar at Mojo’s Bar & Grill in L.A., is in a quandary. She knows something her favorite customer, Amanda Carter, doesn’t–but wishes she did–Eddy has been stepping out on her. Hell, he’s even asked Chelsea out! But when he brings his latest fling into Mojo’s, right in front of Amanda, flaunting his infidelity to her friend, Chelsea decides enough is enough.

It’s time to tell Mandy the truth.

Seizing the moment, Chelsea reveals what Mandy’s philandering boyfriend has been up to. Mandy’s reaction is predictable—she’s crushed. However, her response is surprising, setting the stage for Chelsea to show Mandy the real depth of her friendship.


SRR Rating: A

Friday nights at Mojo's was always chaotic. While all the patrons were de-stressing and on the prowl; Chelsea was working for tips and in overdrive. Amanda Carter chose Mojo's on Fridays as her wind down spot and her friend, Chelsea, couldn't be happier. Well, she could but not while Amanda was clueless to her boyfriend, Eddie, spreading his love around the nightclub scene. After dumping Eddie and getting plastered, Chelsea invites Amanda to her home and tells Amanda she is in no shape to drive and going home means going to the apartment she shares with Eddie. Is this the perfect situation for both women to acknowledge the underlying attraction they've felt for each other and experiment with a few new fantasies that pop up?

Oh Wow!! Tattoos did not beat around the bush (ha!) at all. The story was straight forward and direct while being sexy as hell. This was my first story by Dee Dawning and let me tell you, if you are ever worked up and need sexual relief quickly, this quickie will help you along your way.

Amanda seemed to the a nice girl who believed everything her boyfriend told her until her blinders were torn off by her friend Chelsea. By working at Mojo's, I think Chelsea was able to look at situations in her life and know the warning signs when something was going to go wrong. I really liked the point they made that if there was ever a need for an addition to their sex lives, they would fulfill it. They didn't close the door of each other's fantasy.

Be warned, by reading Tattoos be prepared for heavy pulsating in your pants. By not reading it, you are REALLY missing out on a great book, great author, and a sensual experience.




Blurb

Joel is a lucky man. One afternoon after an exhausting day of work, he decides to take a nap on the couch. But his rest is interrupted by giggling and frivolity emanating from the kitchen. More curious than tired, he steals to the kitchen and peeking around the corner, spies his gorgeous girlfriend, Teri and three equally beautiful ladies, all in skimpy bikinis. And guess what they were doing?

Bananaz, is a fast clever read, combining the sexy aspects of erotica with humor. Bananaz is as zany as it’s name implies, yet, oh, so sexy


An Alternative read review

Would you expect being awakened by a bunch of giggling to lead to your biggest fantasy being fulfilled? Well, neither does Joel, but he's mightily thankful when he finds his girlfriend Teri and three of her friends practicing "technique" in his kitchen. What follows is the rollicking afternoon to end all time.

With Bananaz, Dee has given me an insight into just how funny and how much fun sex can really be, from anyone's point of view. The descriptions both arouse and make you smile, if not downright laugh, at the visuals they create, while I just have to wonder how the heck Joel will walk the next day...or if he'll even be able to get up. It's a frolic that starts on page one and made me wish it were a whole lot longer. Thanks, Dee.

Posted by Alternative- Read.com reviewer: WitchGiggles

Friday, May 23, 2008

THREE NEW ONES BY DEE DAWNING

Hi Everyone,
This is Dee Dawning. I thought it was about time I told you about some new releases I have coming out at BookStrand. Yeah!

In July we'll see a great little novel about a young college student and a middle aged cocktail waitress. Here's the blurb:

Is handsome, young Bobby Kramer a dream or a nightmare?

Thrust into her life one night, by peculiar circumstances, Loretta Bishop, seventeen years Bobby’s senior, has been tasked with taking the shy, modest pretty boy under her wing and turning him into a lady’s man.

Free spirited and sexually adventurous, Loretta is eminently qualified to teach him the elements of pursuit, seduction and how to please women.

At first, being with Bobby seems like a dream, but clouds begin to gather from Loretta’s spotty sometime sordid past. Feeling guilt after Bobby asks to marry her, Loretta is no longer able to continue and runs away.

Now, it’s up to Bobby to put the methods Loretta has taught him to practical use. Will he succeed and parlay his new talents into love, wealth and power?


Next in August of September will be my spicy Novelette, By the Book. Again the Blurb:

Danny Williams is pleasantly surprised when Sarah, his comely wife, proposes a game to engender fresh excitement into their flagging sex life, one Friday night.

Handing a copy of an erotic novel to Danny, she suggests they re-enact a sex scene from the book once a week. After acting out the first scene, skeptical Danny is convinced and looking forward to for the next 'By the Book' night.

However, Sarah has a plan within a plan. Things start to unravel and events swing beyond Danny’s control, ultimately changing their lives, FOREVER.



Finally, sometime after By the Book my very naughty teaser, Gizmo will be released. Blurb:

Constance Palmeroy receives a package for the future. She opens it and discovers an 'Interactive Transference Device.' Reading the instructions, she realizes that the device will allow her to enter anyone elses body, even of someone on TV or on a recording. After playing around with it for awhile, she drags out a porn movie that features a guy she always drooled over and that's when the fun begins.

Thursday, May 8, 2008

Hey, Don't Forget Dee

Since many of the wonderful SirenBookStrand authors are introducing themselves, I thought, I'd do the join in, so here goes. My nom de plume is Dee Dawning and I write contemporary mainstream and erotic romance, sometime with a paranormal element.

I have three current novels with another publisher and BookStrand has contracted, starting in July, to publish three more of my stories, Love & Seduction in Las Vegas, By the Book and Gizmo.

Love and Seduction in Las Vegas, is the story of Loretta Bishop, an erstwhile, middle aged, sexually liberated, Las Vegas cocktail waitress, who suddenly has the enviable task of teaching a movie star good looking college student how to woo and seduce women. It's funny, it's sad and it has a fabulous ending that will make you cry for joy for Loretta.

By the Book is a sexy story about Sarah and Danny Williams, who, trying to add a little spice into their sex life, re-enact a scene a week out of the fictional salacious erotic book, Lascivious Liaisons.

Gizmo? Well Gizmo is a short story about a middle aged woman who suddenly received a device through the mail from the future that allows her to experience phenomenal things.

Check out my web page, myspace page or my personal blogs for the latest on me.
http://deedawning.millenniumpromotions,com
http://myspace.com/dedawning
http://deedawning. wordpress. com/
http://eroticmusing s.blogspot. com/


It was nice meeting you. I hope you'll keep an eye out for my books and read them.

Hope to hear from you, Dee