My Upcoming Surgery

WARNING:  The links contained within this post will take you to sites with content for mature readers only.  However, this post is suitable for a PG audience. 

Andrew (right) and John ~ January 25, 2014

I am sharing with all of my readers that on February 19th, I am scheduled to have a hysterectomy.

In a recent Life With Baby Doll post titled, The Touch of ManLove, I described some of the history that has prompted my need for this major surgery.  On October 29th, 2013, I went to my gynecologist’s office for a routine ultrasound.  For ten years, I have struggled with uterine fibroids.  Since 2008, they have continued to grow at a steady rate.  The results of the test showed that the tumors are posing a threat to not only my quality of life, but they could cause other serious health problems.

Most of your already know that I identify as a very masculine and dominant transman. Even a man such as myself is vulnerable to weaknesses.  Those struggles have come not only in the form of gender dysphoria, but in my fear of surgical procedures.  The two have waged their battles against each other ever since I realized that my gender identity was male at the age of five.

My partner, John Jericho, has two graduate degrees in various spiritual studies.  Since then, he has continued to research astronomy, spirituality, metaphysical concepts, and consciousness / awareness.  Recently, he shared a legend with me concerning those who are transgender. There is a belief that some transgender individuals may have shared the womb with a twin.  The sibling, not able to be born into this life for whatever reason, absorbs it’s DNA and gender markers into the viable fetus.

If such a legend is true, my example would be masculine physical features, presenting with female sexual organs.  The combinations of others could be endless.  In addition, the theory further states that in many instances these individuals suffer from ailments related to the DNA of the absorbed twin.  For instance, considerable reproductive health issues, or other medical problems synonymous with the opposite gender.  This is thought to be the direct result of the fact that the surviving twin’s body is rejecting the sibling’s DNA in favor of it’s own. While this is just a legend, readers are free to choose their own beliefs.

Having been assigned female at birth, I have never identified in that gender.  Mentally, my thoughts and feelings have always been, and continue to be, male.  The facial features and body structure (minus female reproductive organs) that I exhibit have been noted by others as masculine.  With those facts, my reproductive history has been a mess, to say the least.  The only good thing that those organs ever produced were my children.

For years, my fear of surgery has controlled my ability to realize that I should have had a hysterectomy shortly after the birth of my daughter in 2000.  I’ve always carried the belief that one should not go under the knife unless it was medically necessary.  Now, it has become medically necessary for me to have this procedure.  Yes, I am scared.  Yes, I have exhausted every medical option that I have been offered.

A few weeks ago, I was driving my daughter Sarah to a dentist appointment.  She was scheduled to have a filling.  On the way, she told me that she was scared and didn’t want to go.  I told her that I understood her fears.  I went on to describe how everyone fears something.  What makes us brave is acting in the face of that fear.  She accepted my words. As her parent, I had to speak them and work to believe them myself.  The body can cope with much more than we as human beings can readily understand.  I believe that whatever paths we travel mean that we are exactly where we are supposed to be in our lives.

Now I am starting to wonder if my upcoming surgery is not only medically necessary, but should be considered my first steps towards medical transition.  I have transitioned in every other way since the age of five. Some professionals would state that such actions would be the next logical step.  I still firmly believe that everyone transitions in their own way, and at their own time.  Gender and sexual orientation are not defined by surgeries and / or hormones, or the lack thereof.  Perhaps, I will always be transitioning to Andrew Kyle Kinley. 

Finally, my readers know that I am a direct and straight forward individual. I have shared this now, because I have developed friendships with many of you.  I’m not the type of person to expect pity or sympathy.  The situation I find myself in is what it is.  I am out of options.  As readers, I feel like you have a right to know about my life.  For the next twelve days, everything will continue as usual.  

John says that I am a fighter.  My prior surgical history consists of two C-sections, and it was all he could do to keep me in bed then.  I’ve already called the hospital I will be admitted to and they have wireless Internet for patients and guests.  This will allow me to continue to update everyone concerning my progress.  

I enjoy hearing from all of my readers, and look forward to your e-mails.  Remember Love is Love…Period.

Andrew K Kinley is a ManLove erotic romance author for Siren-Bookstrand Publishing  and LGBTQ rights activist based in Hot Springs, AR.  All of his work can be found at:  A K Kinley.  For questions or comments please e-mail him at authorakkinley@gmail.com.