Life With Baby Doll: Eclipsed by Love

WARNING:  The links contained within this post will take you to sites with content for mature readers only.  However, this post is suitable for a PG audience. 

Andrew (right) and John ~ January 25, 2014

“Baby Doll, you’ve got me trapped in a powder keg of desire, eclipsed with the shadow of your love.  During trials, we smolder, only to be renewed in times of joy, sparking until  the flames ignite.  We’re two similar,  yet different souls, entwined from the beginning of time, forever crossing paths.”  ~ Andrew

I am the first to admit that I am a complex, intense, and mysterious transman, at least by my own definition.  To others, this may or may not be how I am perceived at all. Regardless, in last week’s Life With Baby Doll post titled,  My Heart Belongs To You, I shared some aspects of my personality.  

“Another reason why I believe that John and I are monogamous is the fact, apart from believing that we are soul mates and have lived past lives together as such, is that I’m an only child.  I didn’t learn to share and play well with others as a young boy. Another one of my vices is that I can have a jealous nature. Those traits more than likely shaped a portion of my dominance and masculinity that I identify with.  Yet, it is within those same protective feelings for my partner, that I make sure he feels my tenderness and love.  Baby Doll is secure within the fact that I would never hurt or betray our trust.” 

While Baby Doll and I do not practice  BDSM, we do share a top/bottom dynamic, where I consider myself a dominant gay male. In our commitment it has always been a silent understanding that I was the dominant partner, while John was submissive.  From the time I was seventeen-years-old, I have desired the sweet submission of a flamboyant gay male in my arms. That is one of my deepest sexual needs.  The other is providing what my partner desires in a relationship.

“In my dominance, both in our day to day and romantic life, I have always made it very clear that his needs are mine as well.  In doing that, he reciprocates what I desire.  Love and trust are a give and take, with both partners fulfilling specific roles. I gained Baby Doll’s trust first by loving him, then by listening to his needs, and finally making his needs a reality.” ~ Excerpt taken from Life With Baby Doll:  Romancing a Gay Man, November 3, 2013

After our lovemaking last night I was lying on my back, with John spread across my chest.  He had already fallen asleep, as I gently ran my hands through his hair.  In the quiet of our bedroom, I laid there awake for a long time, holding him in my arms.  I could still taste him and feel his trembling from moments earlier.  At that moment, the words I shared at the beginning of this post were born.

I believe that my relationship with John keeps me in a state of physical, mental, and spiritual arousal.  The sexuality that we share as men, is but one small aspect of that union.  He is the angel of light that softens my mood and heart, keeping the darkness of gender dysporia and anger of having been assigned female at birth, from consuming me.

Our history spans not only this life, but others.  My recollections of the lives I have spent with Baby Doll have not come in the form of waking memories, but in bits and pieces of dreams.  John remembers more of our history together.  Perhaps, this is why he has always been the one sent to rescue me.  Ah…the lives of a complex, intense, and mysterious transman.  Well, that is the subject for another Life With Baby Doll post.

I will say that this is the only life, to my knowledge, that I have been an FTM. Somewhere in the middle of an eclipse of love, a dominant gay male is experiencing a submission of his own, as he continues to be awakened by his partner.

To learn more about this series and find a recent list of archives visit: Life With Baby Doll.  Due to the increasing popularity of these posts, I have created the permanent tab on my Website that contains information concerning the intense and passionate love affair that I share with my partner, John Jericho.

I enjoy hearing from all of my readers, and look forward to your e-mails. Remember Love is Love…Period.

Andrew K Kinley  is a ManLove erotic romance author for Siren-Bookstrand Publishing  and LGBTQ rights activist based in Hot Springs, AR.  All of his work can be found at:  A K Kinley. For questions or comments please e-mail him at authorakkinley@gmail.com.