Monday, November 4, 2013

Life With Baby Doll: Romancing a Gay Man

WARNING:  The links contained within this post will take you to sites with content for mature readers only.  However, this post is suitable for a PG audience.

In this week’s Life With Baby Doll post, I am going to be answering a question from a reader.  I recently received a message from Martin T. who lives in Hot Springs, AR.  While most of my letters from fans are out of state, I was surprised to hear from someone living in my hometown.
While I knew it was not impossible to have readers residing nearby, I was still a bit taken back by his kind words and observations.  Even more unusual, was that John and I had met this man during a dinner date a few weeks ago.  He was our waiter.
Martin had asked if we were gay.  I am assuming he had noticed me reaching for Baby Doll’s hand across the table.  Both John and I briefly discussed our support of LGBTQ rights with the young man, and I gave him my business card.
Used with permission from Martin, he wrote the following words to me:

The two of you  looked really good together! Nice! I’m really shy and sorry I didn’t tell both of you that I was gay. I still wondered if you knew anyway? I am 25 and have always had a hard time finding love. Relationships with men in the past didn’t work out. I wish a man would look at me like John looked at you. I want the type of relationship that you two got. The men I’ve dated so far just want sex. I want love. If you don’t mind, could you possibly tell me what it is that you do to make him look that in love with you? I’ve read a few of your free stories on your Website. They are very good. I’d like to read a few of your books soon and see if they have the same love in them. Not all gays are looking for cheap stuff. I’d be more than happy if you could share a few tips with me.

First, I would like to say thank you, Martin, for e-mailing me, and for the kind comments.  I always appreciate letters from readers.  In addition, thank you for permitting  me to not only share your message, but for allowing me to answer it publicly.  I feel that others within the LGBTQ community might benefit from reading our correspondence.
John and I did suspect that you might be gay, or at least an ally.  That was the reason that I gave you  my card.  Both my partner and I enjoy making contact with like-minded people.
I am truly sorry that you have not found love.  However, I am of the firm belief that there is someone out there for everyone.  Perhaps that’s why the relationships you mentioned have not worked out, as you need to be unattached for that special person to walk into your life.
Concerning the question that you asked me, I would be more than happy to share a few tips on how to romance a gay man.  The techniques I’ve used have worked for twenty-two years between John and myself.  While I realize that everyone is different and has their own preferences, the following information can be changed to fit the needs of each individual relationship.
While John gave me many looks that night, I will focus on the ones I believe you may have seen.  They are the stares that I often try to purposely illicit from him.  His face was awash with love, but most importantly trust.  While I think mutual love is an important aspect in any partnership, trust runs a near second.  Baby Doll is secure and trusts that his heart is safe with me.
How did I accomplish this?  First, we fell in love with each other.  The act of falling in love requires a great deal of trust in and of itself.  Second, it was a silent understanding from the beginning that I was the dominant partner, while John was more submissive.  In my dominance, both in our day to day and romantic life, I have always made it very clear that his needs are mine as well.  In doing that, he reciprocates what I desire.  Love and trust are a give and take, with both partners fulfilling specific roles. I gained Baby Doll’s trust first by loving him, then by listening to his needs, and finally making his needs a reality.
I don’t believe that love and trust are built upon some premise of grandiose romantic ideals.  While romance is a part of it, the every day responsibilities of being in a relationship are what determines its future success.  A relationship  has to be nurtured, grown, and subsequently cared for.  Without both partners working in harmony to make this happen, even the best laid plans of romance will dissolve.
From my perspective, and within the top/bottom dynamic that John and I share, I’ve always felt like certain things were more my responsibility than his.  He has his own responsibilities in our relationship as well.  However what is important to remember, is that we are working together towards the same goal. That goal is that love is not about you, it’s about making the one you love happy.
In addition to the emotional aspects that I’ve already mentioned providing John, I always try to be very affectionate.  Affection does not equate sexual contact, however I will briefly touch on that further in this response.  For example, I always put my arm around  him when we’re sitting together.  I kiss him both hello and goodbye when we have to be apart.  I try to tell him I love him at least once a day.  He loves flowers, so I bring those home often.  Baby Doll likes me to hold him while we sleep.  All of those things that I suggested, except the flowers, requires no expense.  Those gestures come from the heart.
On a more intimate note, all human being want to feel loved, particularly those in relationships.  Once again, but this time in the bedroom, it is my responsibility to be sure that I understand John’s needs and make those my own.  Without going in to detail, I use a tender dominance that lets him know that I’m in control of his most private and intimate emotions, while knowing that I will care for him in the manner he desires.  I tell him I love him…hold him…touch him…tell him how good his feels.  He hears the words from my heart.
I hope my answers were what you were looking for, as my response was a bit more than a usual e-mailed message to a reader.  This was due in part to the fact that what I wrote had to be adequate for my recurring Life With Baby Doll series.
 To learn more about this series and find a recent list of archives visit:  Life With Baby Doll.  More will be added, as I continue to update this new site. Due to the increasing popularity of these posts, I have created the permanent tab on my Website that contains information concerning the intense and passionate love affair that I share with my partner, John Jericho.
I enjoy hearing from all of my readers, and look forward to your e-mails.  Remember Love is Love…Period.
Andrew Signature

 photo credit: his name is colin via photopin cc

Andrew K Kinley  is a ManLove erotic romance author for Siren-Bookstrand Publishing  and LGBTQ rights activist based in Hot Springs, AR.  All of his work can be found at:  A K Kinley.  For questions or comments please e-mail him at

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