WARNING: The links contained within this post will take you to sites with content for mature readers only. However, this post is suitable for a PG audience.
Tomorrow morning I will be giving Baby Doll into the hands of another man, having to trust that he will care for my partner. That man is an ophthalmologist who will be performing cataract surgery on John’s right eye. On November 25th, the left eye will receive the same procedure.
Cataracts are graded on a scale of 1-4, with the worst case classified as opaque. John’s vision in both eyes has gradually declined during the last five years. At a recent check-up, it was determined that the cataract in each eye had now reached Stage 4. He was advised they needed to be removed, with the prognosis that his eyesight could see a marked improvement.
Throughout our twenty-one year commitment, John has had other random surgeries, and each time he has gone under the knife, I’ve always felt a nervous apprehension. While cataract surgery is a relatively low risk procedure, it is still a medical operation. Perhaps this is why one always has to sign an informed consent document for any type of treatment.
Another aspect of Baby Doll’s heath is that he has a non-specific auto-immune disorder that always heightens my worry during these times. This condition increases the recovery time and sometimes can affect the desired outcomes. While my apprehension has always been founded in the physical risks, I still battle a number of emotional feelings that surface at the mere mention of John having to endure medical procedures. While knowing that the surgeries Baby Doll has received have been in the best interest to his heath, that still doesn’t stop a gay man’s love.
From the early moments of our relationship, it was an unspoken bond that I would be Baby Doll’s protector, his provider, and his top as I’ve loved him both emotionally and physically with a tender dominance. In that responsibility, I made his needs my own. Perhaps that’s why when the door to surgery closes tomorrow, and I’m standing on the waiting side, I will feel that same apprehension. Because now, John is not in my hands anymore. I’ve entrusted him to a surgeon and the medical staff.
I remind myself, hoping that it provides comfort, that I chose this doctor because I felt he would provide the best care for the man I love. Inadvertently I am trying to remember that while I may not be providing his needs physically during the surgery, that the steps I took to see that he has the best medical care possible were put into action by my hands.
In looking for an image for this post, I knew what I was searching for, and was pleased with the photo that I discovered. Baby Doll often snuggles up to me in bed exactly like the man on the left in the image above. He puts his arms around my neck , as I cradle his body close. I’d like to think that the man on the right is like myself, the more dominant one, whispering words of love against his partner’s neck.
On a side note, Baby Doll wants all of my readers to know that the actor in the image is not an accurate portrayal of his body. He told me that he is more muscular than that guy. While I added this paragraph at his request, he batted his eyes at me. John also reminded me that he is still waiting for the rainbow Converse sneakers. I posted an image of the shoes on my Facebook Timeline this week. I gotta love my gay boy.
The sweet feel of John’s skin again my own has always been a delicious pleasure that I not only love, but crave. As I give Baby Doll unconditional love and reassurance, he returns trust. With Baby Doll’s camp raging during these quiet times, I get the pleasure of having the only type of man I’ve ever desired pressed close. A flamboyant gay man who not only trusts, but looks to his top for emtional and sexual satisfaction is what I desire.
In the time before we drift off to sleep, we’re are usually holding each other intimately, more so this past week. Baby Doll is only naturally concerned about the surgery. Whenever either one of us has something scheduled that is emotionally taxing, I always try to plan some extra time together a few days before the event. On Friday of this week, I took John for some cheesecake (his favorite desert) and coffee at Perkins not far from our house.
One would not have thought that a late afternoon desert would have been as romantic as what we shared. As we sat in a booth together, we were unusually quiet. Perhaps it was because of the fact that John was sending me signals that he wanted not only my attention then, but later. What signals? Well as the gentleman I am, those are private between my partner and I. In being Baby Doll’s top, I have made it a point in our relationship to recognize his subtle flirts. What a stranger might view as innocent affection between two lovers, conveys John’s unspoken needs to feel my touch.
The love I made to him later Friday night, was a coupling of not only a man who wants to physically please his partner, but of a top who wanted to reassure his bottom that soon our lives will return to normal. This gay man’s love promises it, since John’s heart it with me always.
“I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)” ~ E. E. Cummings
To learn more about this series and find a recent list of archives visit: Life With Baby Doll. More will be added, as I continue to update this new site. Due to the increasing popularity of these posts, I have created the permanent tab on my Website that contains information concerning the intense and passionate love affair that I share with my partner, John Jericho.
I enjoy hearing from all of my readers, and look forward to your e-mails. Remember Love is Love…Period.
Andrew K Kinley is a ManLove erotic romance author for Siren-Bookstrand Publishing and LGBTQ rights activist based in Hot Springs, AR. All of his work can be found at: A K Kinley. For questions or comments please e-mail him at authorakkinley@gmail.com.
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