In opening this week’s Life With Baby Doll post, I am going to use the opportunity to briefly update my readers, particularly those who do not follow me on Social Media, concerning my recovery from surgery. Once again, I’d like to thank all of you for the kind thoughts and e-mails. John and I appreciate them very much.
This past Thursday, I began the second week of post-op recovery. On that same day, I also visited my doctor to have one-third of my staples removed. The best original count that I took was between thirty-five and forty. Next week, the rest will be taken out.
I also found out that I am housebound for another week. As routine, my doctor requires that all of her surgical patients remain home for two weeks, except to visit her office for appointments.
The pathology report was good. All tissue removed was benign (no cancer). While my doctor never suspected otherwise, there is a small chance that fibroids can be cancerous. Particularly, fast growing tumors like mine had become.
The most positive outcome of this surgery will be no more periods. They caused a great deal of dysphoria and anxiety on top of the gender dysphoria and anxiety that I already struggle with.
In addition to being housebound for a couple of weeks, having a TAH (Total Abdominal Hysterectomy) also restricts your driving for two weeks, sexual activity for four, and returning to a complete lifestyle of normality may take a period of six weeks. Baby Doll’s unconditional love and support has gotten me through half the journey, the other half of my road is in recovery. I continue to be very proud of my children for not only taking care of the house while John and I were away, but helping tremendously with household responsibilities upon our return.
While the past week and a half since my surgery has been a time of rest, it has also been a period of increased intimacy with my partner. Everyone defines intimacy differently. Baby Doll and I believe that being intimate with another human being does require sexuality, but it also means opening your mind, body, and soul to the trust and love of another human being. The latter aspect does not always have to be sexual in nature.
The act of falling in love requires a great deal of trust in and of itself. Second, it was a silent understanding from the beginning that I was the dominant partner, while John was more submissive. In my dominance, both in our day to day and romantic life, I have always made it very clear that his needs are mine as well. In doing that, he reciprocates what I desire. Love and trust are a give and take, with both partners fulfilling specific roles. I gained Baby Doll’s trust first by loving him, then by listening to his needs, and finally making his needs a reality. ~ Excerpt taken from Life With Baby Doll: Romancing a Gay Man, November 3, 2013
As John’s top however, I did make sure that the night before my surgery was spent exploring our sexuality. I’ve always considered myself to be a tender and patient lover. Perhaps, that’s why I coined the term tender dominance. Most of my pleasure comes from the fact that John submits to me and I meet his needs. In more blunt terms, I am the dominant one, and his body is mine. That realization has come with the responsibility of have spent twenty-two years learning what makes my baby boy whimper beneath my touch. While I knew that the sexuality in my hands would suffice for the night, I intended for it’s memory to give way to more intimate growth over the next four weeks.
This isn’t the first time that Baby Doll and I have been unable to make love for an extended period of time. The most memorable being after the birth of our two children, first in 1997 and then again in 2000. Also, once again this past summer during John’s struggle with some chronic medical conditions.
For the next four months, we didn’t make love. John was simply too sick. The decision was an unspoken one between us. Many nights, we would go to bed long before our regular bedtime and I would hold him in my arms. He needed my strength, reassurance, and comfort. Sometimes we would spend as much as two hours lying in the dark, quiet in each other’s arms. We are making love again, and the bond that we share during those connections feels all the more sweeter because of the relationship that we have built during the times we couldn’t be intimate. ~ Excerpt taken from Life With Baby Doll: Love Remains, January 12, 2014
Within the past week and a half, I have felt the sweetness and continued growth of a twenty-three year love affair. Even though I have considered Baby Doll and I committed since our first kiss on August 25, 1991, we didn’t formalize it as married partners until seven months later.
Some readers may think us old-fashioned because we waited until March of 1992 to make love. My reply to that—we were living together and made out plenty. In looking back, our first experiences in intimacy moved us toward the intense and passionate love affair that we share today.
While Baby Doll and I had not been intimate by most adult definitions, that would come the next month, we still lived together as romantic partners. Having never been naked in each other’s arms, our affection was shown in kisses and tender caresses. Throughout our life together as partners the sexuality that we have shared has seen a multitude of facets, from the sweetness of first kisses to the experienced hands of two lovers connecting with raw passion. ~ Excerpt taken from A Gay Man’s Valentine, February 14, 2014
In 1991, as a seventeen-year-old transman, I certainly didn’t expect to get intimate with anyone. I had a rotten attitude, laced with a very prideful demeanor. Those traits coupled with suicidal thoughts, depression, anger, and self-pity certainly didn’t help matters. Meeting Baby Doll that summer changed everything that I swore I would’t do. I fought it, hard too, even though I secretly desired all that the handsome twink offered. John Jericho had blown into my life like an unexpected storm, giving me everything that I needed emotionally and sexually. A twenty-six-old flamboyant gay man was submitting to me, telling me that he had found his soul mate.
When I allowed myself to fantasize, I knew what I wanted in a man, but didn’t expect to find it. I had already signed away love based on the fact that I was a transman, living in Arkansas, desiring a certain type of gay man. The pull of two souls, having known each other many times, had already decided otherwise.
Now, the deeper I fall into an intimate relationship with Baby Doll, moments like the one shared a few nights ago leave me thinking that maybe I should have given my readers one word this week. Intense.
Somewhere around midnight, John placed his head on my shoulder. Beneath our comforter, I put my arms around him, enjoying the familiar warmth and scent of his body against my own. As Baby Doll’s eyes looked up into mine, I knew he wasn’t ready for sleep.
“We didn’t bring home a baby this time,” John whispered, cuddling closer.“No, we didn’t. Besides, we’re a little old for that,” I replied, running one of my hands through his hair.“Yeah. We’d never survive being sleep deprived again.”After a long silence, Baby Doll looked up into my eyes. ”I brought you home, Casanova.”“That was always a given. I’m tough, remember.”“When your doctor came out of surgery and told me you were going to be okay, I must have sat there and cried for ten minutes. I hated seeing you go through that…particularly having to give up control to others. I’ve enjoyed you leaning on me while you recover.”“I was always in control…and I’m still your top,” I smiled playfully, kissing Baby Doll’s forehead. “Baby Boy, I think you’d better take your cute self to sleep. Neither one of us can afford to get aroused.”“I’m serious, Andrew.”“I know,” I said, kissing John’s lips softly. ”Now close you eyes and imagine me touching you like I did last week. You’re heartfelt revelation tonight will certainly get you laid like that again. For the next two and a half weeks, expect me to be building the tension between us.”
To learn more about this series and find a recent list of archives visit: Life With Baby Doll. Due to the increasing popularity of these posts, I have created the permanent tab on my Website that contains information concerning the intense and passionate love affair that I share with my partner, John Jericho.
I enjoy hearing from all of my readers, and look forward to your e-mails. Remember Love is Love…Period.
Andrew K Kinley is a ManLove erotic romance author for Siren-Bookstrand Publishing and LGBTQ rights activist based in Hot Springs, AR. All of his work can be found at: A K Kinley. For questions or comments please e-mail him at authorakkinley@gmail.com.
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