Monday, September 29, 2008


I've posted a number of recipes over the years here and in other places like my home page and at my MySpace blog, but I have a confession to make...

They are all fakes.

Oh, no...I don't mean that I made them up or that they are some kind of gustatory equivalent of a computer virus! I mean that I have never actually made any of the recipes I have posted. I have simply found something that sounded good and posted that, or I have had someone else cook it and found that the recipe tasted good.

About the nicest way I can put this is that I'm not very domestic.

And that's being generous.

I've been told—repeatedly—that I can screw up Cup-O-Soup. Hell, I rarely even make my own tea!

All right...I can't cook, and you wouldn't want me to cook for you. Unless, that is, you like eating something that falls someplace between tasting bad and being dangerous.

Along with that, I can't do most of the other things you might expect of a more domestically skilled person. I don't even know where the broom, mop, and vacuum cleaner are kept in the house. The stove befuddles me and I'm afraid of the oven. I can work the microwave and toaster enough to avoid burning the place to the ground, but I'm not allowed to use the blender. Something about it needing a lid on it tightly before turning it on. The dishwasher is similarly off limits, and it's been suggested that I not open the freezer. After all, I can get ice from the outside through the dispenser.

And then there's the washing machine and dryer. I tried those once, and I ended up with a bunch of clothes better suited for Barbie and they were all the same color. Another time, it never occurred to me that a plastic bag in the pocket of a pair jeans would get hot enough in there to actually burn. Why aren't there safety systems to prevent that sort of thing?

One of the firemen who responded to the call, a 30-something fellow with blonde hair and a long, thick hose, pointed out to me that there are such safety systems and that I already have one. They are called "Housekeepers".

And that's where Maria comes in.

Maria is my savior and my hero. She can do all that domestic stuff and she's a great cook. I've watched her cooking, and she never measures anything. I wonder if chemists do the same thing.

She keeps the house clean, keeps me fed, and sometimes puts the electric fence up to keep me out of the kitchen. Maria has bailed me out of more domestic predicaments than I care to remember, and makes it all look easy.

Every so often, I'll go through a phase where I decide it's time I learned to do some of the things for myself. Maria takes it in stride, and tries to teach me. After all, I'm bright and I can follow directions. It should be easy, right?


Maria has learned to keep the telephone handy with the numbers 9 and 1 already dialed and to have a fire extinguisher nearby. She also gets the credit cards and truck warmed up for the inevitable trip to replace damaged and destroyed property.

Did I forget to mention that she also has the first aid kit and plenty of burn ointment on hand, too? There are hot things in a kitchen!

Maria lives with me. Well, technically. She has her own small house on my property big enough for her and for when her two grandkids come to visit. She's been with me for almost nine years now, and lived here for over four years. She's a blessing I thank God for everyday. In addition to all that she does to keep the house running, Maria also puts up with my moods, both the down times and the manic moments. I have no idea how can deal with me on a daily basis. You know how authors can be!


So, I'll leave you with a recipe for today, and this one is real, something I have personally tried.

(1) Find something that looks good.
(2) Tell Maria about it.
(3) Let her make it.
(4) Eat and enjoy!

Keep Loving!

Melodee Aaron, Erotica Romance Author

Home Page

Melodee's Books at Fictionwise
Inquisitor Betrayer

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